A Peek In His Head
by MitsukiNeko
Summary: now rewritten! sesshomaru ponering why he keeps rin around and tries to sort through the strange things he feels to her. I own nothing . just the thoughts I put in his head


**Sesshomaru Drabble**

He stood watching Rin and Jaken catching fish in the stream. Not for the first time he tried to fathom why he'd saved her and why he lets her follow him around; and most importantly why he felt the need to keep her alive. Jaken at least was useful since he could use the staff of two heads. The girl was merely a hindrance to his travels. On top of that, once she'd started talking to him she'd never stopped and now she constantly asked questions in her shrill little voice.

Another problem was that whenever he went off on his own he had to circle back to her location. Jaken and Ah-Un could easily find him on their own, so why did he always go back to them? He found himself wondering if it was to check up on her.

The biggest problem he faced mentally was the fact that she was human. He was supposed to hate all of the mortal filth of the world, right? They were the scum of the earth and were only useful as food for demons like hi right? So why…..?

Why had he saved her? Why did he protect her? Why did he worry about her getting enough to eat? Why? There was just …_something _about this one little girl.

Drifting back in his memory he went back to his first meeting with her and through all of the events following in an attempt to understand. ::

_He lay injured beneath a large oak tree in a heavily wooded area about three hundred yards from the outskirts of a human village. She had happened to come across him and had stared, unafraid. Then the child had brought him some of her disgusting food with a smile on her face. She was honestly not afraid of him; she had even tried to make him feel better. It was strange. No human had ever done something like that for him; they all usually ran in fear or died because they were too stubborn to move from his path. She had been over bright and happy even back then when she refused to speak._

_Then when he had finally felt okay to move he had found her dead; attacked by wolves. His Tenseiga had pulsed, and so he had saved the girl, though he was still very confused as to why he didn't just let her die. All humans die, it's a fact of their existence. Then after he revived the orphan why hadn't he just left her in a human village? Someone would have taken the child into their home._

"It's intriguing," he decided. How she acts and her pure soul, it made him curious. Captivated him. This was all he'd allow himself to feel towards a human: curiosity.

From that point on she'd followed him around everywhere. And of course that meant his enemies enjoyed kidnapping her to inconvenience him. Even Naraku was stupid enough to do it. He realized that he could have just let her die in those situations, especially at Mt. Hakurei with its annoying purifying barrier. If he simply didn't go after her she would be more than likely killed and he would be freed of her and her meaningless babble and impromptu songs.

Yet, he'd always gone after her. His first reaction when he heard her scream was always to drop everything and go to her. He'd even walked deliberately into situations he knew to be traps just to get her back. Another strange occurrence he'd noticed was that he sent her away from potentially dangerous situations. If an enemy showed he immediately had Jaken take her out of harm's way. Why did he do the unnecessary to ensure her safety? Why did he not want her to see how he was when in a fight?

And what was the point in worrying over her eating enough? Like right now, they were stopped beside rocky stream. He was watching Rin and Jaken trying to catch a few fish for lunch. As she ran up to him with a small fish in hand to show him he felt as if he wanted to smile and congratulate her. Of course, this urge was held back. He had never felt as muddied in his over three hundred years of living as he had since meeting Rin.

Seemingly out of the blue, his last words with his father came to mind. _"Have you someone to protect Sesshomaru?"_ that was what Inutaisho had asked him before leaving. He'd thought the notion was ridiculous. He had no need for such things since he walked the path of supreme conquest. Constantly protecting someone could only hinder him. But, he was doing exactly that with Rin.

This one human had him rethinking his entire way of life, all of his beliefs and actions were now changing. His life pattern was forcibly recreated by her. But, he didn't think it such an inconvenience. He wanted her by his side brightening his day with her banter with Jaken and her nonsense. He wanted to protect her. She was changing him completely and he pondered this nearly every day she followed him.

"Damn you father. It seems I have inherited your weakness for mortal women," he thought bitterly; emotion he quickly tamped down before they affected him too deeply. He was determined not to lose his heart to any human as his brother and father had. It invariably ends badly for a human and a demon. The humans are so fragile and become a weakness for enemies of the demon to exploit. And even if the relationship goes perfectly and the human lives a good life it will still age and die.

Rin went back to the river to play and catch more fish. She had not a care in the world; truly happy despite all she had lost in her short life. He liked to see her smiling. It made him feel… warmer. As if a part of him he hadn't known was missing was suddenly filled. For the millionth time he suppressed his emotions. He would not allow himself to have such a stupid weakness. He turned from the cheerful scene and walked a bit downriver without a word. He needed space to think.

* * *

A few more days into their journey the child ran to a few grave markers in a field and said, "I was wondering lord Sesshomaru."

Deciding to indulge her he asked, "What is it?"

"If I was to die one day, I was wondering, would you… would you always remember me?"

He gasped in shock, truly surprised the girl would ask something like that. The accursed emotions were rising again, though this time it was laced heavily with something… dark….. and it made his chest feel tight. "Don't say such silly things," was his reply. He didn't want to hear her talk about her own death anymore.

That moment Jaken came crashing in with Ah-Un so he simply began walking. He was in pursuit of the half demon Naraku. And why was he wasting his time doing this? He told himself it was because of the disrespect the underling had shown him. However, a part of him his Tenseiga resonated with knew it was because the bastard had tried to kill Rin.

The girl was walking after him now, a large smile plastered on her face. She was happy and he wanted it to stay that way. He would do all in his power to keep her happy.

He smiled inwardly. "Father it seems I now, in fact, have someone to protect."


End file.
